Un livret d’une soixantaines de pages, répété cinq fois pour former un livre intéressant, mais incroyablement lourd. Je commence à me demander s’il ne s’agirait pas d’un « style américain » de vulgarisation, comme s’il fallait radoter pour se faire comprendre du yankee moyen. Allez savoir.
p. 30 :
To use a crutch requires us to predict that something could go wrong if we didn’t use it. That means we mentally rehearse things going wrong, and mental rehearsal will reinforce fear. Leaning on safety strategies may reduce fear in the moment, but it helps maintain the fear over time. If our predicted catastrophe doesn’t occur, we will assume it was because we used that safety crutch, so we’re more likely to use it again next time.
p. 59 :
That’s our goal: for signals, we are to create a plan and act on that plan. Worry is absolutely beneficial when it is integrated into the overall strategy. But that means, of course, that we’ve got to create a strategy. If you believe you’re dealing with a signal, then let worry provoke you into taking action to address the problem. That means you’ve got to have a plan you are willing to act on. And that means you need worry to trigger you into doing something.
p. 82 :
But you should engage in these behaviors so you can face the generic sensations of uncertainty and discomfort. Get away from thinking that you must resolve some legitimate uncertainty. If you have a phobia of heights and we arrange for ten people to hold that ladder for you, and we cover the floor with three feet of foam to protect you if you fall, you would still feel intimidated and insecure as you climb up a few rungs of the ladder. That’s what I’m talking about. After we resolve the legitimate concerns, you will now face capital-A Anxiety, and it will generate that uncomfortable uncertainty. Decide to seek out that discomfort and doubt! Now you can win.
p. 100 :
We firmly believe that a “right answer” exists, and if we keep trying to figure it out, we’ll eventually discover that right answer—the answer that will keep us from risking pain or embarrassment or failure. Despite our belief that we are applying positive energy to the problem-solving process, fight strategies are avoidance, too. As long as we are planning, preparing, thinking through all the options, researching to determine the best choices, consulting the latest data, and trying to be smart about our decisions, we aren’t being productive. We are actually stalling, just as we do with our flight or freeze responses. Our perfectionistic tendencies, driven by our need to avoid mistakes, are really procrastination in disguise. Ironically, the more we stall, the more time we have to worry.
p. 149 :
When you stop fighting the present moment, you can turn all of your attention to ways to influence the next moment. The essence of this paradox is to strive for change and simultaneously accept that there may be no change. Why take that stance? Because it is the most pragmatic mental shift to make if your goal is to move forward unencumbered by your fear of loss.
p. 226 :
For any of us to grow, we must learn to tolerate more than we think we can tolerate. We need to defy our limited beliefs about what our capabilities are. When we choose to engage in challenging activities and follow them through to their conclusions, we expand our sense of our capacity.